Every relationship is full of both good and bad moments. In fact, a healthy relationship is one that has casual spats every once in a while. However, during these delicate times, refrain from saying things that are too hurtful or that could make an ordinary fight bitter and cause a lot of pain. Here are four things you should absolutely refrain from saying when you’re having a row with your significant other.
- “You did the same thing!”
Instead of bringing up the past by telling your partner what they should or shouldn’t have done, say something that speaks about doing better in the future; something like “let’s not make this happen again” or “next time, let’s handle this differently.” When you have already forgiven someone of their past mistakes, there’s no reason to bring it up in a current disagreement.
- “It’s (all) your fault!”
Blaming each other is one of the common things people do during a fight. Once someone starts blaming, the conversation will go back and forth about who’s to blame. So instead of pointing fingers, explain how your partner’s actions made you feel.
Start by saying something like, “I feel unimportant because of how you respond to me, though I should have spoken up earlier.” This gives your partner a clear idea of how you feel, lets them know what their fault is, and makes them feel that you’re not putting all the blame on him for accepting your responsibility in the situation.
- “Let’s just break up.”
Amidst the heat, it’s easy to blurt out things you don’t mean. However, remember that words can’t be taken back, no matter how much you apologize afterwards. If you’re unable to hold it back and it just slipped out of your mouth, immediately apologize and assure that it will not happen again. Even after apologizing, it may take some time before your partner can trust you again.
- “You’re such a coward/jerk!”
Attacking someone immediately puts them on defense and the argument only becomes a win/lose situation—one wins and the other loses. Saying this suggests that you no longer see your partner as another person who is your equal, but reduces them to a single trait, that is of being (accusedly) a coward or a jerk.
When expressing your thoughts and feelings, there’s no need for name-calling. Instead, control your side of expression by saying something like “that’s not how I remember it,” or “from my own perspective…”.
Fighting once in a while is a normal part of every relationship. However, it is important to be sensitive of your partner’s feelings and to preserve the respect and trust you have for each other.